Just A Simple "Hi"

Hey you...
it's been a long time since the last time I talk to you
How are you?
Are you okay?

It's been so tough for me these past few weeks
A lot of ups and downs
A lot of laughs
A lot of tears
A lot of sadness
A lot of happiness

These past few weeks really dragged me down
So down and so low
Just like some notes I posted before this
Feel so down, sad, hollow and lonely
Some rumors that's just not right from the person whom I thought I can trust
Some uncertainties about my job
Some tests I should do
Some personal matters I should handle
If I don't have Him and good friends around me, maybe I will be crazy because of all these simple matters

Last week, I get some mood boosters from a famous business man in this country
He told me and my friends to not easily give up
We do what others don't wanna do
To get what others couldn't have in the future
"Don't give up!" he said
Don't forget to always remember what's our purpose do those things
If it for a good reason and for the better plan for other people
Then we should hold on
No matter how hard the journey
Because the pain we feel right now will worth the end of the journey, the sweet result
Because there's no rainbow if there's no rain
We don't understand the meaning of light if there's no darkness
We don't understand what happiness is if there's no pain
We don't understand how does it feels to be loved if we never be the one who's being left
We never know how to appreciate the one who truly loves us if we never know how does it feels to be one who's being hurt
We'll get what we deserved at the end of the journey with smile on our faces
At that day, there will be no regret
Because it's not about the result itself, but it's about the journey

And yesterday, finally I can have a wider smile on my face
I got one test done
Not so well, but better than what I expected, much more better, to be honest
And...can I holding on and walk through the journey until the end?
I don't know yet
A lot of things come in my mind

Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed
Trying to be strong but I just can't
Trying to hold on to somebody but there's no one there
At the end, we are all alone
Only ourselves and our God

But what happened if even myself questioning the existence of Him
I know He is here and there
But does He really care?about me?

Thank you to Him, I still believe in You even though there's a part of me questioning about You
But I guess I still have a little faith in You
That's what matters

Thank you to some of my very good and best friends that I can rely on
You know who you are so I don't have to mention you here

Thank you to some people who made some rumors about me
If you realized that I'm changed, that should be good
I try my best to keep nice and kind to you
And also to forgive you in the hardest way

Thank you to you
The one that I adore
Thank you for your sweet care about me
I guess I have misunderstood your kindness to me
And I'll stop wondering and thinking about you
Let's us find our own way just like before
Please don't cross path again
It is just enough for me

All the problems
All the temptations
All sadness
All disappointments
I know maybe it's for my own good in the future
And I still trying to understand
Still learning in this school of life
I'll learn until I die
And until that day come
I wish I won't give up
No matter how hard and difficult and exhausted
I'll hold on
I hope I can..

Hey life...what's the next lesson you want to give me?
Am I past this test?
I'm not scared of you, Ms and Mr Problems...

From the little girl in this school of life and trying to pass a higher level of life wisdom,
T
Jakarta, March 12, 2014